a stab at something new

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I really like the feeling of looking over what I’ve been able to produce. The feeling of hard work paying off is the definition of satisfaction I suppose, so here’s to yet another redundant post.

 

Honestly,

the words on the page

are contradictions describing contradictions

meaningless symbols portraying thoughts

getting lost and applying meaning

to whatever we’re struggling to deal with ourselves.

 

reality is that picture

you have on your dresser.

That beautiful bordered portrait of something real,

that you knew, that you felt in your beautiful bones.

that’s all we’ll ever want,

out of all we’ll ever do.

Honestly.

 

nothing of relevance

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Life is delicate and angry and blistering and genuine if you allow it to happen through you. Life is the heart and the soul melting together in a series of events that challenges, provokes and breaks us down. Life is yearning regret and wistful pessimism wrapped in contradiction. Life is power and weakness coinciding in something so much larger than we can comprehend. Life is love, and we should say it more often.

Today’s Thoughts

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It’s a truly blissful feeling to be completely immune to what’s happening around you. To be able to see the mouths of strangers move and not be able to nor want to in any sense hear whatever mundane ideas they’re sloppily throwing around to one another is absolutely lovely. You can sit back and smile and relax within the comforts of your own head without trying to carefully sift through ignorant perceptions of what you’re trying to say. This bitterness is telling me that I need change and I think I’m ready for it. The fuse is burning and it’s just a matter of time. 

What I Thought of Today

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Nostalgia for the past creates hesitation. There’s present and future, and we must push ourselves forward or risk living in perpetual circular motion. That is not the life for me, friends, and nor should it be for anyone that’s ready to value living an honest life above all else. Be bold, leave the house, stay up all night, inhale, exhale, repeat. I think we owe it to ourselves and those around us to pursue our own self-interest and stick with it. I think we should hold ourselves responsible for everything we do. I think that if there were no excuses to be made, the world would be a much more inhabitable place. I think I think too much.

Burn it with fire… Then rebuild.

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This is why I’m writing this…

To an extent, I have a somewhat utopian belief that if everyone were fully committed to living life fully, they’d be willing to go outside, burn everything they own, sell their house, their identity, everything, and get shipped out to another part of the world and start fresh. I just think it’d be an interesting place to be where we periodically (possibly annually, possibly longer) had the opportunity to build a new life. It’d be like being in a constant mid life crisis, but everyone would be on the same page. It’d make everything in society far simpler. We’d be able to fully embrace the moment, for we knew it would be a finite time before we had to purge ourselves of everything again. I believe we would be able to actually live like free people, because everyone would be just trying to enjoy the moments we have with those around us. I think this may be a possible way for us to fully experience a large portion of all the different aspects life has to offer us in the limited time we have on earth. It’d also make equality a real thing…

Think about it, I’m sure everyone has had the same insatiable urge to just pack up everything and leave town at some point in life, what if it was necessary? This would obviously be an incredibly difficult process to actually have brought to life, but hey, it’s just a thought.

The Problems with Wanting to be an Artist in Any Form

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As I’m forging an internal war in deciding between what I believe to be a logical career path and what I believe I really want to do with my life, I’ve come across a series of problems that come with believing you’re destined to be an artist.

  1. You have to have an exceptional amount of belief in yourself. With everyone telling you how difficult it is to earn a living as an artist in any form and how unlikely it is that you’ll amount to any sort of success, you have to be your own best friend and commit to working for the dream. This process becomes complicated given the natural insecurity that comes with the stereotypical artist profile. It’s quite easy to give up on the dream when presented with the sheer hopelessness that comes from all the competition for happiness in the arts.
  2. There’s no set guide. Sure you can try to go to school and get training, read all the how-to books you want and try to break in to an incredibly tough field, but with all that specificity it’s a terrifying process. Self-doubt and hesitation will bear down on you and make you question the whole pursuit. The path will be different for everyone; no cookie cutter degree path here.
  3. You’re going to be heckled by the engineering and science majors of the world. There will always be those that don’t believe in the arts as a steady way to make money (which has some valid arguments in and of itself), and they’ll like nothing more than to take you and your dreams down a peg. Your intelligence will be brought into question by people that just don’t get the struggle and the desire behind it. To them, the pursuit just won’t make sense.
  4. You’re really going to have to work for itNo one is going to go out of their way to make sure you’re a success. No one will do it for you. They’ve got their own shit to deal with. You’re going to need to find a way to actuallymake a living and survive while putting in the work to progress as an artist. Sacrifices will have to be made in order for any sort of benefits to be reaped in the future; it won’t come easy.

After writing a bit about this I’ve realized that these are incredibly common problems that aren’t restricted to trying to be an artist, but also to just being a real grown up person in general. I’ll probably be able to add to this multiple times but whatever. Growing up sucks and that’s just the way it is. Cheers to all those trying to find their way.

Reasons behind the blog (NOT TO BE FORGOTTEN)

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Okay so a suitable first post for a blog like this would be to list the goals and reasons behind doing it. I think. So let’s do that. Here’s why I’m doing this

  1. To poke at and hopefully get a bit of a rise out of the creative koala that exists within me that kicked the shit out of grade nine english class. Poor little guy’s been lulled into hibernation by a series of poorly chosen majors and minors. College sucks. Can koala’s even hibernate? Is that a thing? This is a bad start. Moving on.
  2. To criticize and bitch about things I likely have absolutely no business criticizing and bitching about. This is all I do in real life. It is all I shall do on the internet. Know why? I’ll tell you through the art of the gif link. Yeah. Expect more of those on here. I repeat.
  3. To find some focus through distraction (I know, I know) so I can bear down and actually work on things I need to work on to get to where I want to be in life.
  4. To passively aggressively talk about people that won’t know about this blog. That’s what blogs are for… right? Thanks Oprah.
  5. To document the stupid things I think about for later humiliation.
  6. To satisfy my apparent insatiable lust for well-timed gif’s through links. Pretty well the only thing I’ve been able to figure out on here and I plan to beat it senselessly. Hah, that one’s not even a gif. Got em. 

All in all, I’m in it for some pretty selfish reasons and essentially for my own entertainment, but if I’m somehow able to conjure up a following out of the ether and entertain them a bit, well then that’s just a bunch more fun