I really like the feeling of looking over what I’ve been able to produce. The feeling of hard work paying off is the definition of satisfaction I suppose, so here’s to yet another redundant post.
the words on the page
are contradictions describing contradictions
meaningless symbols portraying thoughts
getting lost and applying meaning
to whatever we’re struggling to deal with ourselves.
reality is that picture
you have on your dresser.
That beautiful bordered portrait of something real,
that you knew, that you felt in your beautiful bones.
that’s all we’ll ever want,
out of all we’ll ever do.
Life is delicate and angry and blistering and genuine if you allow it to happen through you. Life is the heart and the soul melting together in a series of events that challenges, provokes and breaks us down. Life is yearning regret and wistful pessimism wrapped in contradiction. Life is power and weakness coinciding in something so much larger than we can comprehend. Life is love, and we should say it more often.
Nostalgia for the past creates hesitation. There’s present and future, and we must push ourselves forward or risk living in perpetual circular motion. That is not the life for me, friends, and nor should it be for anyone that’s ready to value living an honest life above all else. Be bold, leave the house, stay up all night, inhale, exhale, repeat. I think we owe it to ourselves and those around us to pursue our own self-interest and stick with it. I think we should hold ourselves responsible for everything we do. I think that if there were no excuses to be made, the world would be a much more inhabitable place. I think I think too much.
This is why I’m writing this…
To an extent, I have a somewhat utopian belief that if everyone were fully committed to living life fully, they’d be willing to go outside, burn everything they own, sell their house, their identity, everything, and get shipped out to another part of the world and start fresh. I just think it’d be an interesting place to be where we periodically (possibly annually, possibly longer) had the opportunity to build a new life. It’d be like being in a constant mid life crisis, but everyone would be on the same page. It’d make everything in society far simpler. We’d be able to fully embrace the moment, for we knew it would be a finite time before we had to purge ourselves of everything again. I believe we would be able to actually live like free people, because everyone would be just trying to enjoy the moments we have with those around us. I think this may be a possible way for us to fully experience a large portion of all the different aspects life has to offer us in the limited time we have on earth. It’d also make equality a real thing…
Think about it, I’m sure everyone has had the same insatiable urge to just pack up everything and leave town at some point in life, what if it was necessary? This would obviously be an incredibly difficult process to actually have brought to life, but hey, it’s just a thought.
This is why I’m doing this… well this too. Sorry for the shameless self-promotion, just felt like the first vague introduction might be misleading. Okay. Let’s do this.
“It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, it matters that it’s getting done” he repeats to himself…
I think that stubbornness reveals different things about people in different situations. Obviously. That was dumb but I’ve committed to showing an honest writing style that accepts mistakes. This is why I’ll let you know that I struggled to find the right tense of stubborn at the beginning of this paragraph way more than necessary. My excuse? I’ve been drinking. Not much at all, but it’s college and I feel like that’s still a valid explanation for anything I may do. Let’s get back on track here. I’m not a very stubborn individual I don’t think; I just really hate being proved wrong, as everyone does. I mean, I get that I’m wrong about like 75% of things, but I don’t need people to shove it in my face politely like they’re doing me some sort of favour by letting me learn something by it. The nerve. Maybe I am stubborn. This basketball game is pretty entertaining, Russell Westbrook is one hell of an athlete. I can’t believe I’m going to publish this shit again. Who do I think I am? Bad at writing, that’s who.
I’m sorry. This got out of hand in a hurry. I’ll be back tomorrow with literary genius, I swear. I take that back immediately but you and I both knew that before you even read that that that wasn’t gonna happen. Gonna is officially a word? I can use it? Gotta is too? What has the world come to… Also, if you didn’t notice, I used the word “that” three times in a row up there and that’s pretty neat. Maybe I am a literary genius… Okay bye.
Within the chaotic membrane of his mind, the voice of one man-boy stands alone… with others.
Okay so I’ve really been lacking in the whole keeping this thing updated… thing. I think it’s largely because I have no idea what I’m doing and no idea what to write. I keep thinking I have to write with a very poignant purpose and forget that that’s not what this blog is for. This is supposed to be an outlet for me to write more but recently I’ve been treating it like my bank account and have just tried to avoid dealing with it at all costs. That’s just a poor play on my part. So thus I shall try and challenge myself and write on here every day this week (up to Friday). And now that I’m contractually obligated via my word on the interwebs, maybe I’ll actually do something.
There really are a startling amount of both struggling and successful writers out there and this website also brings that to light. This too has contributed to my lack of willpower. It just feels overwhelming. It’s just a really awful positive feedback loop (fun science terms) where I see so many people with the same dream as I do and it just freaks me out to no end, which makes me not write and not improve, and then adds more self-doubt into the mix and repeats the process. Really just a shitty time to be had by all. So that should change hopefully.
There’s just a lot of stuff I’ve gotta sort out right now and it’s doing my head in. Maybe I should just put it into perspective and accept that undergrads are essentially meaningless anyways. But then that opens me up to more options because who cares in the long run! Ahhhh who told me to make this blog this is going horribly. Who cares about career paths and future ambitions and stuff anyways? The civil engineers of the world? Well that’s already out the window, so maybe I should just relax. I have time, I think. Maybe I’ll go into business. Maybe I’ll go into film studies. Maybe I’ll stick with philosophy. Maybe I’ll go into creative writing. Maybe English lit. Who knows. Well I probably should I guess.
While I can appreciate the attempt at wit I was going for a couple months ago with the whole imbedded-gif-within-text thing, it really wasn’t that funny and was pretty forced. And realistically… Maybe I should try and let my writing work for me a bit more.
Man, this blog is a train wreck. Stay tuned for better things to come, can’t get any worse then these trivial ramblings of an extremely lost college student. Bear with me here (to be fair, I did apologize in advance).
Okay so a suitable first post for a blog like this would be to list the goals and reasons behind doing it. I think. So let’s do that. Here’s why I’m doing this:
- To poke at and hopefully get a bit of a rise out of the creative koala that exists within me that kicked the shit out of grade nine english class. Poor little guy’s been lulled into hibernation by a series of poorly chosen majors and minors. College sucks. Can koala’s even hibernate? Is that a thing? This is a bad start. Moving on.
- To criticize and bitch about things I likely have absolutely no business criticizing and bitching about. This is all I do in real life. It is all I shall do on the internet. Know why? I’ll tell you through the art of the gif link. Yeah. Expect more of those on here. I repeat.
- To find some focus through distraction (I know, I know) so I can bear down and actually work on things I need to work on to get to where I want to be in life.
- To passively aggressively talk about people that won’t know about this blog. That’s what blogs are for… right? Thanks Oprah.
- To document the stupid things I think about for later humiliation.
- To satisfy my apparent insatiable lust for well-timed gif’s through links. Pretty well the only thing I’ve been able to figure out on here and I plan to beat it senselessly. Hah, that one’s not even a gif. Got em.
All in all, I’m in it for some pretty selfish reasons and essentially for my own entertainment, but if I’m somehow able to conjure up a following out of the ether and entertain them a bit, well then that’s just a bunch more fun.