It’s a truly blissful feeling to be completely immune to what’s happening around you. To be able to see the mouths of strangers move and not be able to nor want to in any sense hear whatever mundane ideas they’re sloppily throwing around to one another is absolutely lovely. You can sit back and smile and relax within the comforts of your own head without trying to carefully sift through ignorant perceptions of what you’re trying to say. This bitterness is telling me that I need change and I think I’m ready for it. The fuse is burning and it’s just a matter of time.
I’ve been playing this on repeat for the past few days and thought I’d share. Give it a listen. I mean, why not?
Nostalgia for the past creates hesitation. There’s present and future, and we must push ourselves forward or risk living in perpetual circular motion. That is not the life for me, friends, and nor should it be for anyone that’s ready to value living an honest life above all else. Be bold, leave the house, stay up all night, inhale, exhale, repeat. I think we owe it to ourselves and those around us to pursue our own self-interest and stick with it. I think we should hold ourselves responsible for everything we do. I think that if there were no excuses to be made, the world would be a much more inhabitable place. I think I think too much.
This is why I’m writing this…
To an extent, I have a somewhat utopian belief that if everyone were fully committed to living life fully, they’d be willing to go outside, burn everything they own, sell their house, their identity, everything, and get shipped out to another part of the world and start fresh. I just think it’d be an interesting place to be where we periodically (possibly annually, possibly longer) had the opportunity to build a new life. It’d be like being in a constant mid life crisis, but everyone would be on the same page. It’d make everything in society far simpler. We’d be able to fully embrace the moment, for we knew it would be a finite time before we had to purge ourselves of everything again. I believe we would be able to actually live like free people, because everyone would be just trying to enjoy the moments we have with those around us. I think this may be a possible way for us to fully experience a large portion of all the different aspects life has to offer us in the limited time we have on earth. It’d also make equality a real thing…
Think about it, I’m sure everyone has had the same insatiable urge to just pack up everything and leave town at some point in life, what if it was necessary? This would obviously be an incredibly difficult process to actually have brought to life, but hey, it’s just a thought.
“It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, it matters that it’s getting done” he repeats to himself…
I think that stubbornness reveals different things about people in different situations. Obviously. That was dumb but I’ve committed to showing an honest writing style that accepts mistakes. This is why I’ll let you know that I struggled to find the right tense of stubborn at the beginning of this paragraph way more than necessary. My excuse? I’ve been drinking. Not much at all, but it’s college and I feel like that’s still a valid explanation for anything I may do. Let’s get back on track here. I’m not a very stubborn individual I don’t think; I just really hate being proved wrong, as everyone does. I mean, I get that I’m wrong about like 75% of things, but I don’t need people to shove it in my face politely like they’re doing me some sort of favour by letting me learn something by it. The nerve. Maybe I am stubborn. This basketball game is pretty entertaining, Russell Westbrook is one hell of an athlete. I can’t believe I’m going to publish this shit again. Who do I think I am? Bad at writing, that’s who.
I’m sorry. This got out of hand in a hurry. I’ll be back tomorrow with literary genius, I swear. I take that back immediately but you and I both knew that before you even read that that that wasn’t gonna happen. Gonna is officially a word? I can use it? Gotta is too? What has the world come to… Also, if you didn’t notice, I used the word “that” three times in a row up there and that’s pretty neat. Maybe I am a literary genius… Okay bye.
Within the chaotic membrane of his mind, the voice of one man-boy stands alone… with others.
Okay so I’ve really been lacking in the whole keeping this thing updated… thing. I think it’s largely because I have no idea what I’m doing and no idea what to write. I keep thinking I have to write with a very poignant purpose and forget that that’s not what this blog is for. This is supposed to be an outlet for me to write more but recently I’ve been treating it like my bank account and have just tried to avoid dealing with it at all costs. That’s just a poor play on my part. So thus I shall try and challenge myself and write on here every day this week (up to Friday). And now that I’m contractually obligated via my word on the interwebs, maybe I’ll actually do something.
There really are a startling amount of both struggling and successful writers out there and this website also brings that to light. This too has contributed to my lack of willpower. It just feels overwhelming. It’s just a really awful positive feedback loop (fun science terms) where I see so many people with the same dream as I do and it just freaks me out to no end, which makes me not write and not improve, and then adds more self-doubt into the mix and repeats the process. Really just a shitty time to be had by all. So that should change hopefully.
There’s just a lot of stuff I’ve gotta sort out right now and it’s doing my head in. Maybe I should just put it into perspective and accept that undergrads are essentially meaningless anyways. But then that opens me up to more options because who cares in the long run! Ahhhh who told me to make this blog this is going horribly. Who cares about career paths and future ambitions and stuff anyways? The civil engineers of the world? Well that’s already out the window, so maybe I should just relax. I have time, I think. Maybe I’ll go into business. Maybe I’ll go into film studies. Maybe I’ll stick with philosophy. Maybe I’ll go into creative writing. Maybe English lit. Who knows. Well I probably should I guess.
While I can appreciate the attempt at wit I was going for a couple months ago with the whole imbedded-gif-within-text thing, it really wasn’t that funny and was pretty forced. And realistically… Maybe I should try and let my writing work for me a bit more.
Man, this blog is a train wreck. Stay tuned for better things to come, can’t get any worse then these trivial ramblings of an extremely lost college student. Bear with me here (to be fair, I did apologize in advance).